Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Grateful Thansksgiving...

So grateful for these 3 healthy  babies!!!! On Tuesday we found out that I was having a miscarriage. I was 14 weeks along. I was having some cramping on Monday night, but thought it was just because I had a bug and some diarrhea. But then tuesday Morning woke up with a little pink show, and continued cramping. Went into the doc, he couldn't find a heartbeat, and on the small ultrasound, I could tell it wasn't right. The baby was kind of curled up, nothing moving, no heartbeat. I WAS DEVESTATED. The doctor was pretty sure, but wanted me to get an official ultrasound and for them to measure the baby. 
So we went to the imaging center, she checked everything out, and then asked if she wanted me to have her tell us what she found. Of course I said yes, because I already knew. No heart beat, and the baby had grown to about 11-12 weeks. I had just had my appointment with the doctor and saw the baby on the monitor right at 12 weeks, it was jumping around, had a normal hear beat. Then something happened. It was so sad. We had our car packed, ready to head to Boise for Thanksgiving. But delayed our trip to do a d and c on Wednesday. I didn't want to have to deal with this basically going through a smaller labor over the holidays, and my doctor said sometimes it can take weeks. Emotionally, i couldn't handle that. So we opted for the d and c the next day. Lorna came to stay with the kids. I was a mess just those 24 hours waiting to go in. YUCK, an emotional ball of tears. But, All went well with the procedure. My doctor and his office was so sympathetic, and sensitive, and the staff at the hospital as well. Because I was in my second trimester, i was put completely under. Woke up in recovery. Took some meds for the cramping.....which feels the same as when you have a baby, and lots and lots of blood. We went home and got the kids. We had told them on Tuesday, and John and Jenilyn were so kind to watch our kids all that day as we were with the doctors. They were sad, and asked why, and we couldn't really give them an answer, because they was no specific medical reason. But they did say that they wanted me to hurry and get pregnant again, because they wanted another baby too:)

So, I took some more meds, and we drove to Boise that night. I just really wanted to be with family. I was out the whole trip- fastest drive ever!

We had a good thanksgiving weekend, and it was nice to be with family and be able to talk with family about it.
But for the next month, I was an emotional basket case, like my hormones were having a hard time leveling out. Sometimes I could talk about it and be fine, and other times I would just burst into tears. I was so certain it was a girl. Certain enough, that I had just bought her blessing dress. And I think her name would probably have been Iris or Hazel. I think I was leaning toward Hazel. I knew it was a girl before I even took the pregnancy test. It's weird, because I knew my first pregnancy was a boy early on like that as well- and it ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks. That one I wasn't sick, and I didn't have kids yet. So this one was so much harder. I was sick, throwing up, just like me others. It just didn't seem fair, to go through all that, and have it end. And it's just interesting. The moment you find out you are pregnant- you are a mom, and you have a special bond with that baby. It's been difficult to work through. But we are getting there. My body is finally just now getting back to normal- 2 months later. I went to see my doctor like 5 days after the d and c. He wanted to check up on my physically, but more so emotionally. He said my body was  all healed. He said, your body won't get pregnant until its ready anyway. So, whenever you and your husband are ready, you can try again. Anyway, so we will soon.... I just hope fall is not really my only fertile time- we do have all june babies! We'll see:) if so, it'll give me some time, to get this additional weight off I guess!

I am grateful for the healthy babies that I have. And the only reason I can come up with for this miscarriage is this. She needed to have a body just long enough to get her experience here. I had to be sick just enough for her to be healthy for a time and then she needed to be back with my heavenly Father. Not to mention, my mom and brother, and cousin Sage. I had a dream the night before I found out. It was with my mom, nothing special. Just me and her chatting. Almost as if she was just checking in on me, knowing what was coming and just letting me know she was there. She was beautiful, and this was the first time she's been in one of my dreams- a sweet little gift:) 

Well, we had Thanksgiving at Emily's. And the kids put on a production up stairs. Then we did some puzzles- like we always used to!

On Friday, my Birthday! All the adults went over to my Aunt Vicki's house for dinner and to chat. My cousin Julie was there, and my uncle Roger. It was fun to spend the evening with them. Then, the adults in my fam went to a late showing of the Hunger Games- Catching Fire. It was so good, and so much fun!!!!

We stayed with the Frogleys, and got to hang out with everyone there, made Gingerbread cookies with Grandma Frogley, September gave the girls nice fresh Christmas cuts too!


 Wendy, Julie, Me, Emily, Aunt Vicki, Natalie, Lorna, Roger's girlfreind
 Alex, Grandpa Craig, Uncle Terry, Nathan, Ivan, uncle Roger, Julie's husband

P.S. We surely could've come home to a burnt down house! Sienna had turned on the iron up in my sewing room on accident. She was pretend ironing. Well it was resting on some PAPER!!!! They were all charred like the top of my sewing table. LUCKILY it was set to its lowest setting.....otherwise, who knows!!!!!! Scary!

1 comment:

Kaylene said...

So sorry to hear abut your miscarriage. Before we had Lucy, I also had a miscarriage at 14 weeks. It's so so hard when you've gotten that far and feel like you should be out of the "danger zone". I had a d and c as well. It's true that your emotions are just out of wack and its really depressing. Hope your doing better and that you can be pregnant again soon!